You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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