he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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