I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My liver just had a heart attack.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
