Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
