I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
