how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
