I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
