Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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