Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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