Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You need Xanax blowdarts
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
