i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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