1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
