I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
