Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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