How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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