My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
