he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize