so that wasnt chicken after all
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
