I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
