Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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