i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
