It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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