He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
pop tarts are not kleenex
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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