Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
