Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
