you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
