So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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