these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
