You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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