If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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