I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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