If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
