she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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