I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Randomize