Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
