My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
