All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
