At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
