Porn is love you can see.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
