I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
