dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
