My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
