i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
