you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
