I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
