No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
