this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
