I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
