I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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