Me. At least after what I've been through.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
