i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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