I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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