What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
