I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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