One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.