dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.