"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?