Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
