theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
God I need to hump something, right now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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