I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
