We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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