I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
