Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
