Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
