so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
