did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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