You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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