yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
