apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
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We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
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Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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