you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
