Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
