More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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