Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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