sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
