If i come over, it means nothing
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
