the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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