taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
