im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
